7 biggest lessons on building lasting habits, from a motivational psychologist

7 biggest lessons on building lasting habits, from a motivational psychologist

Establishing positive new habits is hard at any time of year. But there are ways to stop your attempts ending in failure.

Photo credit: Getty

Published: January 2, 2025 at 3:00 pm

Every year millions of us dream up New Year’s resolutions in the hope of making permanent, positive changes to our lives. But a few weeks later, most of them are little more than vague memories.

More often than not, we’re back to our old routines by the end of January – projects have been abandoned, promises have been broken and the resolutions we vowed we would stick to this time have been tossed on the scrap heap.

But what is it about New Year’s resolutions that make keeping them so difficult? And what can we do to make it easier?

Well, the good news is a New Year’s resolution is just a good habit dressed up in seasonal clothing. And with a little understanding of the psychology of how habitual behaviours are formed, you can start (or restart after an earlier failed attempt) a new habit anytime, at any point in the calendar.

So here are seven tips to overcome the obstacles that make establishing a new good habit so hard, whether you're trying to do it in January, June or December…

1. Be an early bird

Man learning new hobby, knitting on needles.
Knitting and crocheting can help decrease heart rate and blood pressure while also lowering harmful levels of the stress hormone cortisol in the blood. - Photo credit: Getty

When you start something new, like a new hobby, do it as soon as possible in the day. Even if you’re not a morning person or need to take your kids to school, applying this rule is a cornerstone of lasting change for several reasons.

Navigating the trials and tribulations of daily life means that your willingness to use motivational resources, such as willpower, will typically decline as the day goes on, whereas factors like tiredness and fatigue will increase. The further in the future your plans are, the less likely it is that you can predict how you’re going to feel.

You may wake up and be confident that you’ll exercise after work, but fail to consider how tired, stressed and hungry you’ll be by then. And, the longer you leave it to exercise, the more likely unexpected obstacles will arise. Get your new hobby done before your washing machine floods your kitchen. Only when your new habit is well-established can you relax this rule.

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2. Don’t wait for the reward

Woman stretching while out exercising/on a run
Focusing on the immediate mental health benefits of exercise, rather than delayed physical outcomes, is a more effective way to stay motivated and stick to a fitness routine. - Photo credit: Getty

There’s nearly always an underlying reason for making a New Year’s resolution or starting a new activity. Many people start exercising because they want to lose weight, for example. But the distinction between the activity and the desired outcome is important because it’s the latter that’s motivating, not the former.

Nobody likes having to resist cake for months, but everybody likes fitting into their jeans. When there’s a significant delay between the activity and desired outcome, it prevents us associating the motivational power of the outcome with the activity.

In contrast, an immediate outcome better transfers its motivational power to the activity. Sticking to a diet is difficult if weight loss is the goal because a day or two of calorie-controlled eating is unlikely to lead to any noticeable changes in weight or body shape.

On the flip side, focusing on the immediate mental health-boosting properties of exercise is much more effective than waiting for the physical health benefits that come later.

This principle doesn’t just apply to exercise and dieting. Any new activity with an immediate benefit increases the likelihood you’ll stick to it long-term.

3. Start smaller than you think

5 differently sized white ladders leaning on blue/green wall in ascending order, only the largest reaching yellow hole
Starting a new activity often feels harder than continuing it, so breaking big goals into tiny, low-effort steps can make achieving them much easier.

To paraphrase former-US president, Theodore Roosevelt, any worthy goal requires effort. Oddly, however, the thought of starting an activity seems to require more effort than continuing it. This quirk implies that we should break our larger ambitions down into smaller initial goals that require minimal effort, in order to get the ball rolling.

Many people are familiar with the Chinese proverb “A journey of 1,000 miles begins with a single step.” But few people recognise the contrast between the larger goal (1,000 miles) and how small the first sub-goal (a single step) should be. If your dream is to write a book, the first goal shouldn’t be to write a page, but simply to open your notebook or laptop.

4. Consistency is key

Woman learning Spanish using a mobile app.
In the US, around 8 million people are studying Spanish, making it the country with the largest number of Spanish learners. - Photo credit: Getty

Small goals make it easier to make consistent progress, and consistency increases the chances of your new activity becoming a habit. What’s more, repeating that activity in the same environment will eventually lead to you automatically linking that environment to the activity you want to become a habit.

For example, you could try opening your language app while you wait for the kettle to boil at breakfast. Do this often enough and it’ll become part of your morning routine. You then won’t have to make so much of a conscious effort to motivate yourself to do your daily language learning, because boiling the kettle for your morning coffee will automatically trigger thoughts about it.

5. Look in the mirror

Cropped woman playing piano at home
Focusing on personal improvement rather than competing with others leads to greater engagement, resilience, and often better outcomes, including more frequent wins - Photo credit: Getty

Competition can be a problematic motivator because the outcome is out of your control. Rather than defining success by you being better than others (a normative-referenced approach), define it by comparing your current ability to your previous ability (a self-referenced approach).

People who take a self-referenced approach tend to be more engaged with activities, work hard to improve, and don’t let setbacks derail them. In contrast, people who follow a normatively referenced approach look for shortcuts, and opportunities to cheat and avoid challenging activities because they fear looking stupid.

This isn’t to say that self-referenced people don’t care about winning. But thanks to their focus on hard work and personal development, a pleasant side effect of not focusing on winning is winning more often.

6. The feel-good factor

Digital illustration of head in profile showing brain of mid adult man with fully developed prefrontal cortex.
The prefrontal cortex (green in this image) governs logical motivations. But decisions are often driven by the brain's emotional centres. - Photo credit: Getty

Ask people what motivates them and their answers will largely stem from the logical areas of their brains, such as the pre-frontal cortex. These responses ignore the more primitive parts of the brain that often control what really motivates people, however.

These powerful parts of the brain largely consider what ‘feeling’ an activity provokes. When people make a judgement about whether to do something or not, it’s this feeling that’s consulted to enable a quick and efficient decision.

This mental shortcut – the ‘affect heuristic’ – prevents the need to consciously weigh up the pros and cons of every decision. It not only motivates us without our knowledge, but it also biases our conscious decision-making.

For example, a previously unpleasant experience of an activity may bias us to conclude that we don’t have time to do it again. As a result, we need to do things that make us feel good in some way. It doesn’t need to be fun or exhilarating, although these are good feelings to promote. The positive feeling can also be some satisfaction or value gained from the activity.

7. Be the change you wish to see

Happy woman in park.
Focusing on who you want to be, rather than what you want to do or have, makes long-term change easier and more sustainable. - Photo credit: Getty

To establish long-term change, we should ask ourselves who we want to be, rather than what we want to do or have. When your goal is to pursue an activity that allows you to express your true character, it becomes easier to do. In contrast, activities that are performed to obtain something material, like a new car or a better body, require much more mental effort to sustain.

The relative ease of ‘be’ goals makes progress and long-term maintenance much more likely. In other words, being someone who exercises is easier than doing exercise, just as being studious is easier than studying. Begin acting in a way that reflects the characteristic you desire and you can reap the rewards of long-lasting change.

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