Porn: as a society, we've worked ourselves into a feverish state of worry over it. Separate from the legitimate ethical concerns about practices in the industry, there's a plethora of other widespread anxious beliefs: that looking at or watching porn is inherently bad for you; bad for your brain; bad for your relationships – and that it can become highly addictive.
It's easy to see why. Celebrities are queuing up to share their tales of porn use, whether it's singer Billie Eilish describing how it destroyed her brain, or the actor Terry Crews calling himself a “failure” for regularly visiting adult websites. Such is the intensity of the collective anxiety about consuming porn that in the US, 17 states – including Kansas and Texas – have now declared pornography a “public health crisis.”
There's no denying that a lot of people do spend a significant amount of time watching porn – in the time it takes you to read this article, almost half a million people will have visited the world’s leading porn site. But is viewing porn really as harmful as many fear? Is it really possible to become addicted to it?
Premature findings
The alarm about pornography hasn't emerged from nowhere – plenty of research studies suggest it can be harmful to watch. However, when you dig into them, the true picture is more nuanced than the moral panic would suggest.
One study that inspired countless scare headlines around the world purported to show that time spent watching porn was correlated with having a smaller brain. Specifically, the male participants who watched more porn had less grey matter in a subcortical region near the front of the brain thought to be involved in processing reward.
It does sound rather worrying, but, as with all correlational studies, a large dose of caution is required. It's just as likely that the men with a smaller reward-processing brain area were more attracted to porn (and likely other stimulating activities), than that the porn itself shrank their brains.
Other research has documented the apparent harmful effects of porn on our relationships. For instance, one large review of studies combining data from 50,000 participants across 10 countries claimed that, among men, using porn was associated with lower relationship satisfaction.
However, there are also a significant number of studies that point to the positive benefits of using porn, especially if both partners share similar attitudes. For instance, one study involving hundreds of heterosexual couples found that those who watched more porn together enjoyed higher relationship satisfaction and more rewarding sex lives.
The mixed results seem to boil down to the details of how people who are in a relationship use porn – such as, whether they are secretive about it, whether they watch it alone (and, if so, whether their partner views it as a form of infidelity). Then there’s the issue of whether two people in a relationship enjoy watching together.
“Pornography use carried out in conjunction with the partner is often associated with beneficial effects on sexual wellbeing and relationships. It’s the probable result of the increased open communication about each partner's needs and means to sexual satisfaction,” explains the psychologist and sexual behaviour expert Prof David Rowland at Valparaiso University, in the US.
Another related and widely reported claim about the harmful effects of porn relate to problems with arousal, especially for men. Put starkly, the suggestion is that frequent users of porn get so used to finding sexual satisfaction on their own with the help of pornography that they can no longer get an erection in real-life sexual encounters.
Again, however, the truth appears more nuanced. At least one major study from the University of California, Los Angeles (UCLA), in the US, found that watching more porn was actually associated with more sexual desire for one's partner.
To get a more complete picture of the effects of porn on sexual function, Rowland and his colleagues examined over 50 relevant studies.
“What we have demonstrated is simply this,” he explains, “widespread claims that pornography use during masturbation impairs sexual response during partnered sex or ruins sexual relationships are generally not supported by the research literature.”
Although women generally use porn significantly less than men, it's also worth noting the specific risks for female consumers. For instance, an Italian study found that women who felt their use of porn was problematic were affected more by it than male participants in the research.
This may be because of how the “mainstream porn industry constructed today is male-oriented, which may be alienating and disturbing for females,” says Prof Sabrina Cipolletta at the University of Padova and one of the co-authors of the study. “Additionally, it is a bigger taboo for women to use porn, which may lead to shame and guilt due to its use.”
In some circumstances, yes, porn use can become problematic. But the bigger picture seems to be that using porn almost certainly isn't as harmful as many of the scare stories and public health pronouncements might suggest.
“Studies of adults almost never ask about the neutral or positive effects of pornography, leading to an over-focus on negative effects,” argues Dr Nicole Prause, a neuroscientist and expert on sexual desire based at UCLA.
The clinical psychologist and porn behaviour researcher at the University of New Mexico Prof Joshua Grubbs, agrees: “Most people who use pornography do not seem to be negatively affected by it,” he says. “Whether or not you might call it healthy probably depends on your personal views of pornography, but from a scientific standpoint, there is clear evidence that most people who use pornography are not experiencing individual harm from it.”
This is reassuring. Yet it is probably little consolation to the significant numbers of people who feel as if they have a problem with porn. Case in point: a survey of over a 1,000 American university students found that of those who used porn, around half felt that they did so compulsively – for instance, continuing to use it even after they wanted to stop. Similarly, a study of thousands of Polish students found that over 15 per cent considered themselves addicted.
Are you an addict?
So what does it feel like when you’re addicted to porn? Researchers in Australia interviewed 13 self-described male porn addicts about the experience, and their statements are revealing. One of them said: “I knew it was bad for me. It had a very big negative effect on my life, but I couldn’t stop it.”
The participants also talked about using it as a counter-productive emotional coping strategy – “If you’re stressed out, pornography is an answer. If you’re bored, pornography is a solution.” Some spoke of the deep shame that can accompany the behaviour. As another participant described it: “After you’ve finished using it, you look at the horrible things that are on your screen and really question who you are as a person. […] A bit of a disgrace, disgust in yourself.”
That last comment chimes with a fascinating line of research into the kind of people who tend to report being addicted to porn. You might think the people who spend the most time watching porn would say they are addicted. But that's not always the case. Often the most frequent users of porn don't think they've got a problem.
In their research, Grubbs and his colleagues at the University of New Mexico have shown that people who are more likely to feel addicted are those who think it's morally wrong to watch porn – or those who come from a religious or conservative background. This is usually true even if their use is relatively infrequent (many participants in this study viewed pornography 10 times a year).
Based on these findings, Grubbs has proposed what he calls a ‘moral incongruence model’. Put simply, people will often describe being addicted to porn when their negative moral beliefs about it are out of step with the fact they use it. If you think porn is bad, you’re more likely to think you’re addicted.
The Aukland-based therapist and author Dr Luke Sniewski, who overcame his own problematic porn use to study men's difficulties with porn, says that the moral incongruence model resonates with his own experiences. “In both my doctoral research and clinical experience, the emotional burden of shame and guilt often exacerbates the problem,” he says.
“When someone views their behaviour as morally wrong or feels intense guilt, it can create a negative cycle where they feel worse about themselves and use porn as a way to cope, only reinforcing the cycle.”
In fact, Grubbs and others argue that the very notion of ‘porn addiction’ is misguided and extremely unhelpful. One technical reason that it's not straightforward to apply an addiction framework to porn use is that there's no physiological withdrawal when a person stops using porn, as you might find with alcohol or drug addiction.
This is a criticism sometimes levelled at other proposed forms of ‘behavioural addiction’, such as social media addiction, with experts divided on the appropriate framework to use. Worth noting too is that ‘porn addiction’ as a diagnosis is actually not included in the American Psychiatric Association's influential Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders.
“There is no scientific recognition of ‘pornography addiction’,” Grubbs explains. Prause agrees: “Of the different ways to understand problematic pornography use – such as poor sex education, problematic behaviour, or compulsivity – ‘addiction’ is the least supported by science.”
How to think about porn use
So what needs to be done? The experts I contacted agreed that a better framework is to talk in broad terms of ‘problematic’ porn use, rather than using the language of addiction.
When Grubbs sees therapy clients who believe their porn use is causing them problems, he encourages them to “shift away from self-stigmatising labels like ‘addiction’ and to think more about how do you both live in line with your values and not hate yourself when you fall short of those values.”
In practical terms, he says, “We talk about ways to reduce using pornography but also how to be self-compassionate and self-understanding if they do view pornography.”
The harms of porn for adults might be overblown, but it's also important to acknowledge the distinct risks when it is accessed at too young an age – which is a common theme in celebrity accounts, including those of Eilish and Crews. “The primary risks of pornography are for youth,” explains Prouse, “who may not understand that it is entertainment and not a reflection of real life.”
This is another area where, rather than stigmatising porn use as shameful and invoking the language of addiction, many experts believe a more constructive and open-minded approach is to educate young people about the risks of pornography and how it so often does not depict sex in a realistic way.
“I think understanding what pornography is should be part of normal sexual education, given how common it is,” says Grubbs. “I also think emphasising ethical and healthy use of pornography is key. Instead of treating it as the most taboo thing you could possibly do, we should talk about it as a sexual behaviour that has risks (like all sexual behaviour) and properly educate young people on what those risks are.”
Sniewski agrees that an educational approach is vital. “Just as we educate people about healthy eating or responsible technology use, we should be teaching self-awareness and intentionality around how and why people engage with porn, specifically, and their sexuality in general,” he says.
“Encouraging a more mindful approach can be much more effective than instilling shame or fear. The latter only reinforces the continued suffering in silence.”
How to break free
Suppose you are worried that your use of pornography is problematic. How can you judge whether there really is cause for concern, or if your upbringing and societal taboos have simply conditioned you to feel guilty? Experts say it can help to think as objectively as possible about whether your use of porn is having a detrimental effect on your life.
“Signs of problematic pornography use would typically include use that interferes with daily functioning in some way,” says Rowland. This might look like a preoccupation with accessing porn at the expense of your “productivity and dereliction of responsibilities in other realms of one's life.”
Other warning signs, he adds, are “when it becomes a person's primary or sole means of coping with anxiety or stress” or when using porn on your own “becomes a strongly preferred sexual outlet” to the detriment of your sexual relationship with your partner.
A common scenario to watch out for is using porn to drown out difficult emotions. This can happen with any pleasurable activity, such as eating, sleeping or gaming, where a person begins excessively relying on that activity as a way to cope.
“A healthier coping response might be to attempt to deal with the factors that cause the distress in the first place. This is opposed to just suppressing the feelings of distress by temporarily overpowering them with highly rewarding behaviours,” says Rowland.
If you recognise yourself in some of these descriptions, what can you do? If it's viable, Prause recommends seeking out a suitably qualified therapist – preferably one who doesn't subscribe to an addiction-based view of the problem or takes a religious approach.
“If seeing a therapist is not an option,” she says, “you might reflect on the origin of your feelings about pornography. Where did you get your values about pornography? What would viewing porn look like for you if it were more consistent with those values?”
Sniewski recommends a similar approach: “If porn use is becoming a crutch or something you’re turning to when feeling anxious, stressed, or disconnected, it may be worth exploring why that is.” He adds that “setting boundaries – like limiting the time spent watching it, or being mindful about your emotional state before and after use” can also help you regain a sense of control.
Also, don't set yourself the goal of complete abstinence. “Data indicate that such commitments often lead to feelings of failure,” says Prause. “Those feelings of failure exacerbate shame, depression, anxiety and suicidal thoughts. Recognising that porn effects are mainly due to personal values [rather than some kind of biological effect] may help you discuss your viewing of porn with a partner who holds different values.”
Prause adds that this way of looking at things could also help you treat yourself with more compassion. After all, as Grubbs has argued, perhaps using porn isn't a personal flaw, but “a source of simple pleasure in a complicated life.”
About our experts
Prof Sabrina Cipolletta is an associate professor in the Department of General Psychology at the University of Padova in Padova, Italy.
Dr Luke Sniewski is a therapist and author. His research focuses on men with porn addictions and how they can improve.
Prof Joshua Grubbs is an associate professor in clinical science at the Department of Psychology in the University of New Mexico. His research primarily focuses on addiction.
David Rowland is a professor of psychology at Valparaiso University. His expertise lies in behavioral neuroscience and human sexuality.
Nicole Prause is an American Neuroscientist researching human sexual behaviour, addiction and sexual response. She is the founder of Liberos, a research institute.
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