The family dynamic is changing. People all around the world are deciding not to have children at all, and those that do become parents are increasingly likely to have one child only. The so-called ‘one-and-done’ is growing in popularity so much that the future could see single-child families become the norm.
Financial insecurity and rising costs of childcare; evolving gender roles and more women having children later in life; and fears over the impact on the environment – these reasons have convinced people that having two or more children is more of a challenge, or not even a possibility.
In 2022, 44 per cent of families in the UK had just one child, compared to 41 per cent with two. And through the EU, the largest current proportion of all families with children, at 49%, have one child.
In previous generations, there was a clear trend towards more children, and this change is being seen across the world – the global fertility rate has fallen from an average of five children birthed by women in 1960, to 2.3 in 2020. There's no sign of this decline slowing.
Is that cause for worry, for the sake of all those only children? Won't – as the stereotypes suggest – they grow up lonely, less socially adapted and more spoilt? The answer: absolutely not. In fact, the one-and-done approach may be the best outcome for all.
The hidden truth about only children
“It’s a well-kept secret that only children turn out just fine. This is a wake-up call for parents who decided to stop at one, especially in previous generations where there was pressure to have a lot more,” says Susan Newman, a leading parental expert and social psychologist.
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“These stereotypes are so firmly planted that you can compare it to sexism and ageism, it’s so hard to get rid of them. But I will say that we are definitely turning that corner, and fighting that unnecessary shame.”
We have to go back to the US in 1896 for the basis of the ‘only child syndrome’. Child psychologists G Stanley Hall and EW Bohannon used a questionnaire to detail the personality and behavioural traits of only children. They called their work A Study of Peculiar and Exceptional Children.
The conclusion was that children without siblings possessed a long list of negative traits, including being lonely, bossy, antisocial and spoilt. Hall referred to being an only child as “a disease in itself”.
While that original study has since been heavily critiqued for its methods, it established attitudes that persist to this day. That is despite plenty of research into family dynamics that refute Hall and Bohannon’s findings.
“The majority of research on the various outcomes of only children consistently demonstrates advantages of being an only child, particularly in educational and academic outcomes,” says Dr Adrien Mancillas, author of Challenging the Stereotypes About Only Children: A Review of the Literature and Implications for Practice.
“In social and personality outcomes, research consistently documents that only children are largely similar to their peers with siblings – significant differences in behavioural outcomes are not observed.”
Of course, this does not mean that some only children will not display the traits noted by that 1896 study. They can be lonely and spoilt, but just as much as a child with siblings.
More than their brothers and sisters, or the lack thereof, the biggest impact comes from the parents. Children raised in happy homes mostly display the same levels of happiness and social stability no matter how many siblings they have.
That is also not to say that there aren’t differences to consider, either. “The only child is in a truly unique position in a family. They are the sole recipient of parental attention and resources, raised away from the conflict and competition that comes with a sibling relationship,” says Mancillas.
“Research shows that this means a closer bond with the caregiver. However, the challenge of such a close relationship is the potential for the child to be unduly exposed to parental stress or to endure a more intense relationship that could be mitigated with a sibling.”
And how does the picture change as they get older? Most studies interviewing adults who grew up as only children show that, in general, it was a positive experience.
Newman even points to what she describes as ‘only child dynasties’. “There are now families that span multiple generations where, if they were an only child, they were far more likely to go on to have just one child themselves,” she says.
Why are more people only having one child?
So, is the increase in single-child families the result of the only child syndrome being successfully debunked? If so, wouldn’t those stereotypes have gone away? Newman highlights other causes for why one-and-done is more common.
“The most obvious reason is that women are starting their families later. They’re staying in education longer, having more established careers and finding priority in other areas of their lives,” she says.
“There is also a wider variety of family models. Single parents are on the rise, more people adopt or do IVF and the overall definition of a family is different these days.”
The traditional family structure is changing, as traditional gender roles are changing too. There are practical implications for one-and-done as well. As of 2023, the average cost of raising a child was £166,000 for a couple or £220,000 for a single parent.
Another reason often cited by parents of only children was concern for their impact on the environment. As fears of the climate crisis deepen, people are choosing to have fewer children and so reduce the carbon footprint of their family.
Yet an advantage of one-and-done not talked about is the benefit it can have for the parents themselves. While having one child is associated with a gain happiness, a second is associated with a fall for mothers.
Other studies have shown that, while parents are happier in the lead-up and first year of their first child, the returns diminish going forward. The boost of happiness is halved for the second child; by the third, there is no further boost.
This is accentuated in places like the UK, US and Canada, which have fewer social systems in place than other countries to support parents. Certain German cities, for example, offer free public daycare, while Romania provides a long period of parental leave.
So where does that leave one-and-done going forward? Birthrates are falling in many parts of the world, causing governments to fear for the robustness of their economies, but we as individuals might be better off.
Single-child parents are more financially secure and report more freedom. And, despite the claims that have been going around for over a century now, the only children are doing just fine.
About our experts, Susan Newman and Adrien Mancillas
Susan Newman is a social psychologist and leading parenting expert. She has written 15 books examining how to build strong family bonds, raising only children and interactions between children and adults.
Adrien Mancillas is the author of Challenging the Stereotypes About Only Children: A Review of the Literature and Implications for Practice. This review analysed a wealth of data and research into only children and their behaviours. She is a professor of counselling at California State University.
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