Charisma is a trait we all desire to have. Being able to command a room, win over strangers in a matter of words, and generally be a seemingly charming person through and through – there is a reason charisma became 2023’s word of the year in its colloquialised form of ‘rizz’.
But unfortunately, it doesn’t come naturally to everyone. So how do you become more charismatic? There are seas of books, experts and online courses claiming to have all the answers but unfortunately, it’s not that simple.
The world of charisma is somewhat misunderstood, with plenty of myths that muddy the water. With this in mind, it is important to understand how charisma works, whether it can be learned and what to avoid.
Charisma is a genetic lottery
Like a chiselled chin, inherited wealth, and a metabolism that an all-you-can-eat buffet quivers at, great charisma is a genetic lottery that not everybody is lucky enough to win.
“There is a lot of research examining how our behaviour is genetic. And overwhelmingly the evidence suggests that pretty much every single behaviour is genetic,” says Dr Ryne Sherman, a renowned charisma and personality expert.
“There is no single charisma gene, but instead it is factors like how naturally charming we are, how good we are at winning people over and getting their attention, and even how much we want that attention. These are the more genetic traits that inform charisma.”
Research shows that genetics shapes around half to two-thirds of our personality and psychological traits. That’s a pretty daunting figure for those who are looking to turn on the charm and learn to be more charismatic.
“The other sizable chunk has to do with all kinds of environmental factors, mostly learning and practice. Most of our life revolves around socialisation and interacting with people,” says Sherman.
“Along the way, you get feedback of negative and positive behaviours, and you learn how to behave in a way that wins people over. Some are just better at that than others, but we all improve.”
For example, learning to deal with difficult conversations with compassion is a behaviour that will be greeted with a positive reaction. On the other hand, showing clear disinterest in other people and their conversations will likely be met with negative reactions, and, if you were particularly rude, maybe some advice to change.
Charisma is a hard skill to learn
A little bit of genetics and a little bit of life experience and learning. Is that all that goes into an individual’s overall charisma? Surely it's possible to learn to be more of a winning personality?
This is the goal of many YouTube courses, and even books from a variety of experts, claiming to be able to help you become more charismatic with a list of simple tips. But it isn’t quite as easy as that.
“There are these YouTube channels that analyse charismatic people, or list ways to become a more interesting person. I think there’s a big question about whether any of this works,” says Sherman.
“There isn’t much evidence that specific charisma training courses work, but I suspect through practice and enough feedback, people could slightly improve their charisma.”
Charisma courses, while often popular, aren’t always based on science. If someone wants to become more charismatic, the focus needs to be on practising their social interactions, and understanding where they might be falling short.
The issue is that personality is very much a natural trait, and therefore can be difficult to change. While research does show it is possible, it requires a lot of work and discipline, as well as the longevity to keep working on it even when you see changes.
While a lot of the behaviours like body language and confidence tend to form naturally, other skills can be learnt and worked on. Charismatic people are good listeners and attentive people. Learning how to be an active listener, and empathetic to other people is a crucial part of being charismatic.
Equally, being passionate, both in your interests and what other people have to say, has been linked to charisma. As part of that passionate outlook, charismatic people have been found to have clear goals, and tend to be driven about their future, expressing their plans to others.
If you think about these changeable factors, they tend to be more skill-based, or mental aspects of charisma. What is harder to change is the physical attributes like body language, responsive smiling or touch (more on all of that below).
Improving these changeable characteristics is a two-fold process. It requires some self-reflection to understand your goals and build passions. The second part requires social practice, speaking to people and getting feedback on your listening skills, empathy and general confidence.
“Another way to think about your personality is like your tennis stroke. A coach will tell you that you’ll need to spend as many hours practising your new stroke as you need learning the original,” says Sherman.
“Think about that with your personality, you have been developing it since you were born. How long have you practised that current set of behaviours, become used to it, and how difficult is that going to be to change? It really is a major challenge.”
For those who do put in the time and effort, and learn to change their personality in such a way that they become more charismatic, there is a second factor to consider – how much will you actually improve?
Because charisma and any emotion or personality trait are hard to quantify, it can be tricky to actively note changes. If someone is actively trying to change, they are more likely to notice these changes or believe they have improved. But it is better to ask those around you.
On top of that, reaching noticeable levels of improvement, even with hard work and discipline can prove to be a challenge. While there are courses that promise a mastery of charisma, it is more likely that a small change will be accomplished.
“Through intentional training, you can make small improvements. But the personality change literature would predict that you’re not going to become a real charmer, a James Bond type if you will,” says Sherman.
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You can't fake body language
When it comes to charisma and a range of other personality traits, one factor is associated with success frequently: body language. Small body movements and suggestions that can be suggestive of your confidence, feelings and overall personality.
While there are plenty of courses out there happy to teach you the tricks and tips to perfect your body language, once again, it isn’t quite as simple as that.
“Body language is an unintentional behaviour, and there is research that suggests that doing these behaviours intentionally will result in you screwing it up. Charismatic people build rapport easily, and that can often be achieved through an open style of body language,” says Sherman.
One of these behaviours that is often mentioned in charisma courses is mirroring. Mirroring is a natural behaviour, babies mirror their mother’s heartbeats, and we unintentionally mirror people we like or respect. It’s a non-verbal way to display empathy.
“There is research that outlines that this is a natural behaviour and that doing it intentionally actually makes conversations more awkward. It can go the opposite way and reduce trust.”
Equally, naturally charismatic people can be quite physical. They confidently shake hands, put their hands on people’s shoulders when they speak or engage with people physically in quite natural ways.
While this behaviour has been shown to make people more likeable, it can equally be off-putting if done unnaturally. Mirroring, physical touch, and other forms of body language are effective, but only when performed naturally.
Charisma isn't always a good trait to have
This all sounds quite negative for anyone trying to seek some self-improvement in their lives, but it’s not all bad. As Sherman points out, it is possible to make improvements in your personality, however small.
By focusing on easily changeable factors, like smiling more, being a more focused listener, and developing social confidence, it is possible to come across as a slightly more charismatic person.
The research is also varied in this field, with some research pointing to increased abilities to be more charismatic, especially in leadership roles or workplace scenarios which can trickle into your personal life.
Equally, while it is easy to view ‘rizz’ as a positive trait, that isn’t always the case. “Charisma is often viewed as something positive, but it equally is something negative, used to trick or persuade those around them,” says Sherman.
“We love our politicians who are charismatic, but they are the same ones who often let people down. The same goes for leaders of some big companies, who use their charismatic nature in a negative way.”
Charisma has been linked to higher rates of psychopathy in the past and unethical pro-organisational behaviour in businesses. Like all behaviours, charisma is ultimately a double-edged sword.
Read more:
- Failing upwards: How charismatic leaders fail their way to success
- Online self-diagnosis culture is subtly failing your mental health
- Schadenfreude: A psychologist explains why we love to see others fail
About our expert, Dr Ryne Sherman
Ryne Sherman is the Chief Science Officer at Hogan Assessment Systems, a personality research company. Previously he was an associate professor of psychological sciences at Texas Tech University.
