I turned the big Hawaii 5-0 this year.
To celebrate my half-century, I decided to cycle the length of the United Kingdom, from Land’s End in England, to John O’Groats in Scotland, a distance of just over 1,600 km (1,000 miles). I cycle commute about 43km (27 miles) each day, so felt I had enough base fitness to build upon to undertake such a challenge. Plus, I could stand to lose a few pounds, and perhaps my moobs might shrink (this is my wife’s hope anyway).
So far, so mid-life crisis.
I scoured the internet, and happened upon ‘Pedal Britain’, who offer fully supported tours; moving bags, organizing accommodation, and most crucially, providing food during the day. All I’d have to do was peddle 75 hilly miles a day for 14 consecutive days! Easy peasy!
I signed on in December 2022 for a July 2023 ride, leaving me just over six months to get ‘match-fit’. The cold dark days of winter eventually lengthened into spring daffodils, and before I knew it, I was at London’s Paddington station on a sunny mid-July morning, catching the slow train to Penzance.
That evening, I, along with the other 15 members of the group, gathered at the Long Boat Inn to receive the all-important pre-tour briefing. It was an eclectic slice of society, and everyone was there for their own personal reasons - newly retired, newly divorced, mid-life crises etc.
When Darren, the lead guide and owner of the company, stood up, the room fell nervously silent. Darren went over logistics, daily schedules, safety, and then got to how we were going to fuel ourselves. I am, professionally (I study the brain control of appetite), and recreationally (I love food), very interested in all things food-related.
Darren was crystal clear that energy bars and sugar gels, consumed on the move, would not work for a prolonged 14-day effort. Rather, we needed to eat food, and often. The 1,600km (1,000 miles) would be broken down into roughly 32km (20 mile) sections; so depending on the parcours, we would stop two to three times a day. There would be food at each ‘brewstop’, and we would actually sit down to lunch.
We were exhorted to eat at every stop, particularly over the first four days, as our bodies got used to the exertion. If not, we would likely end up in the support van on day five. Darren assured us that by day seven, we would become fitter, hence more efficient, and begin to need less food.
It all seemed so unlikely. Cycling into fitness? Really?
6:30am next morning, the first of the daily ‘magic numbers’ pinged onto the tour WhatsApp group:
Morning Brewstop, 20km (13 miles), Marazion Station Carpark;
Lunch Stop, 60km (37 miles), Linden Hey Tea Rooms;
Hotel, 95km (60 miles), St Austell Premier Inn.
The 6:30am *ping* would be a clarion call for the next 14 days.
After breakfast, we were transported to the start; then after the customary picture under the Land’s End sign, we were off. The first brewstop, at a relatively paltry 13 miles, revealed a feast!
There was bread, cheese, salami, mini scotch eggs, pork pies, bananas, nuts, dried fruit, fig rolls, cookies and jelly babies. Twenty minutes later, we set off again, up and down steep country lanes, until lunch at 37 miles. There we had sandwiches, crisps and cakes.
Then it was the matter of pushing the remaining 38km (23 miles) to St Austell, the last 10 in the pouring rain, with a final steep uphill to the hotel. I arrived, wet, cold, tired, and inexplicably hungry, given I’d already had three meals that day. That evening, I had a three-course dinner, went back to my room and promptly collapsed into bed.
6.30am, *ping*! A longer ride at 125km (77 miles). 7am breakfast, 8am bags to the van, 8:30am start peddling. Rinse and repeat.
Darren was correct of course. I had a phenomenal appetite that first week, munching five times a day, because I was just sooooo hungry. Then amazingly, my legs did indeed come back to me, and I began to eat less (relatively speaking). Finally on day 14, we rolled into John O’Groats, tired and elated, although I’m sure my bum is now permanently the shape of my saddle.
What of my weight after 14 days and 1,600km (1,000 miles)? I started the ride at 178lbs or 80.9kg. When I got back home, I stood on the scales, and …(drum-roll)… I was exactly the same weight.
Not a single ounce/gram lost.
My wife dreamed of me returning looking all Scandinavian with a chiseled jaw. It was deeply disappointing.
We have known for ages that exercise, in itself, is not effective for weight loss. Nevertheless, it was still shocking to do something this extreme and see no difference! To clarify, it is of course possible to lose weight through exercise. Tour de France cyclists eat ~5,000 kilocalories a day and still lose weight during the three-week race.
The problem is most mere mortals don't exercise anywhere near enough for this to be effective. According to my heart-rate monitor, with the caveats that entail, I was probably burning an additional ~3,000 kilocalories a day, which I clearly compensated for with my increased food intake. As I’ve found out during this experience, exercise makes you very hungry indeed!
So can you out-cycle a ‘bad diet’?
After 2 weeks of intensive exercise, whilst not having lost any weight, I am undeniably fitter, and, according to my wife at least, my moobs have shrunk. This means I’m carrying more muscle. Your weight, and this bears reiterating, is just a number on a scale. It doesn’t tell you how fit or healthy you are.
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