Here’s something that’s surprisingly common: people who strongly espouse moral or noble ideals… but regularly use this to justify attacking and mistreating others, something which is surely neither moral nor noble.
Isn’t this inconsistent? How can someone loudly insist they’re a good person while behaving in ways which totally contradict this, without mentally short-circuiting in some way?
The answer is that there are many psychological and neurological processes that allow people to engage in this behaviour that, for want of a better label, we’ll call ‘virtue bullying’.
A lot of virtue bullying could be seen as virtual bullying. It’s a lot easier online.
We’ve all seen those Facebook posts which make some simple, morally solid claim, like “Cancer is bad”, or “I support victims of [latest disaster]”. However, this is followed by something like “Share if you agree. I bet 97 per cent of you won’t.”
Such posts are basically saying, “I am a good, moral person… and I’ll manipulate you and malign your character until you agree.” This isn’t the behaviour of a good person.
But it’s not internet-specific. Wanting to protect children is a good, moral aim, but consider all the books banned and drag shows attacked in the US under the guise of ‘protecting children’.
Indeed, the many atrocities committed in the name of a ‘kind, benevolent’ God or religion means history is awash with self-described good, moral people, doing very bad things.
“The road to hell is paved with good intentions” is a cliché for a reason.
I’m good… in fact, I’m better.
Good people treating others badly makes more sense when you realise there are several unconscious processes happening in our brain that help convince us we’re ‘good’, even if we’re not.
There’s the fading affect bias (which leads to memories linked to negative emotions being forgotten more easily), hindsight bias (which causes us to convince ourselves that a past event was inevitable) impression management (a phenomenon that leads to our brains constantly exaggerating our best qualities) and many others.
As one 2014 study found, our brain works hard to preserve, and enhance, our self-esteem. However, self-esteem is heavily influenced by other people, and our relative social ‘status’. We want to be liked and hate rejection. A 2011 study found that an effective way to boost our self-esteem is to attack or demean others, so our status becomes (relatively) higher.
So, thinking you’re good while attacking others can be a very instinctive process. Sadly.
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For humans, our morals are a key aspect of our self-image, and therefore our self-worth. Indeed, research has shown that our morals are a key part of our identity, and an important facet of our motivation and decision-making.
However, humans are innately protective of their identities and decision-making. If these things are underpinned by morals and beliefs, we’ll be subconsciously wary, and hostile, to anyone who poses a threat to them.
This can lead to what seems to be inconsistent behaviours. People may consciously think moral things like “Being kind and good to others is important”, but their subconscious says “…and anyone who disagrees is a viable target.” And so, we get virtue bullying.
Human brains are also hard-wired to crave fairness and justice. However, these have a strong subjective component. Meaning, our understanding of fairness and justice, and our morals, are heavily influenced by experience. The world around us, and the people we relate to, shape our morals and understanding.
Humans are weird because they’ll readily endure personal loss if it means justice is done. So, doing objectively immoral things, to those you deem immoral, in the name of your morals is, while confusing, far more common than you’d expect.
Resolving the contradiction
Striving to be good should be lauded and encouraged. Especially because the human brain is still running on millions-of-years-old programming that gifts us with many subconscious hostilities and prejudices. It requires constant vigilance and effort to stick to your moral values in the face of your ‘baser’ instincts. And it’s only human to slip up.
But when you do, you end up thinking “I’m a good person, but I did something bad”. This can lead to the psychological discomfort known as cognitive dissonance, where your actions and thinking don’t match up.
Of course, one way to resolve this is to think “I behaved badly, but to someone who is morally wrong, so it’s okay.” In reality, nothing’s ever that simple. But it’s an easy fix for dissonance and allows you to virtue bully at your leisure.
Ultimately, for all the explanations offered here, it really should be acknowledged that some people are just… not nice. To the extent that they’d use some morally praiseworthy goal or belief as a fig leaf to disguise cruel and bullying tendencies.
How you deal with such people is up to you. Who am I to judge?
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