Dad jokes are those funny puns and one-liners that fathers all around the world just can’t help but tell whenever the opportunity arises. They're the eye-rolling, family-friendly, truly corny jokes used to make children laugh (and everyone else groan).
If you were asked by a family member, you may say dad jokes are inherently terrible and not worth the breath they’re uttered out on. But, seeing as you just googled "best dad jokes", we both know you secretly think these zingers are so bad they're completely brilliant.
So, whether you're entertaining children, looking to annoy your least favourite relative, or even crafting the world's worst stand-up routine, we have the one-liners for you. Prepare to roll your eyes and impress (or distress) your loved ones with the funniest and best dad jokes right now.
101 best dad jokes
- When does a joke become a dad joke? When it becomes apparent
- What do clouds wear? Thunderwear.
- Can February March? No, But April May.
- Why shouldn’t you buy anything with Velcro? It’s a complete rip-off
- What did the fish say when it bumped into a wall? Dam
- Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut? He just needed a little space
- Did you hear about the actor who broke his leg onstage? He’s still in the cast
- Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium? It went OK
- What did the police officer say to his belly button? You’re under a vest
- What’s a witch's favourite subject at school? Spelling.
- Why did the zombie take a nap? He was dead tired.
- Did you hear about the two rowboats that got into an argument? It was an oar-deal
- What is the easiest building to lift? A lighthouse
- I used to be a baker, but I couldn’t make enough dough
- Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field
- What did the biologist wear to impress their date? Designer genes
- Did you hear about our camping trip? It was in-tents
- Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything
- What did the evil chicken lay? Deviled eggs
- How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it
- What do you call a fish with no eye? A Fsh
- How does the man on the moon get his hair cut? Eclipse it
- Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere
- Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven eight nine
- What do you call an illegally parked frog? Toad
- Which days are the strongest? Saturday and Sunday. The rest are weekdays
- I could tell a joke about pizza but it’s a little cheesy
- What do you call a sheep on a trampoline? A woolly jumper
- Every morning I announce to my family that I’m going jogging but then I don’t go… it’s a running joke
- Why do astronauts use Linux? Because they can’t open windows in space
- I’m currently reading a book on DIY house construction… by Bill Jerome Holmes
- Why do people always take an extra pair of socks when golfing? They don’t want a hole-in-one
- Time flies like an arrow and fruit flies like a banana
- What’s the most laid-back element? Bro-mine
- Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts
- I’m reading a book about sandpaper… it’s a work of friction
- Why were scientists disappointed by the reception of their new weapon test? It bombed
- Did you hear about the guy who was afraid of hurdles? He got over it
- What did the earthquake say when it was finished? Sorry, my fault!
- What did Yoda say when he saw himself in 4K? HDMI
- What’s an astronaut's favourite part of a computer? The space bar
- What’s brown and sticky? A stick
- What did the police officer say to his belly-button? You’re under a vest
- What did the grape say when it got crushed? Nothing, it just let out a little whine
- Two peanuts were walking down the street. One was a salted
- A peanut sat on a railway track, his heart was all a-flutter. The 5:15 came rushing by, toot toot! Peanut butter
- I don't trust those trees. They seem kind of shady
- I always thought orthopaedic shoes were overrated but I stand corrected
- I have a joke about a broken clock but it’s not the right time
- I have a joke about chemistry but I don’t think it’ll get a reaction
- What happened when the world’s tongue-twister champion got arrested? They gave him a tough sentence
- To the guy who invented zero – thanks for nothing
- Geology rocks but geography is where it’s at
- Why is the ocean so salty? Because land never waves back
- How do you throw a party in space? You planet
- Why can’t a leopard hide? Because they’re always spotted
- Why couldn’t the beaver get back home? They couldn’t find the dam door
- What’s the secret to always staying down to Earth? Gravity
- What do you call the goldfish that came third? A bronze fish
- I don’t trust stairs… they’re always up to something
- What time did the man go to the dentist? Tooth hurty
- How do you get Pikachu on a bus? You Pokémon
- Why does everyone wear a tank top in the US? They have the right to bare arms
- What jewellery do you wear when you have no neck? A neckless
- Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded? There was nothing left but de brie
- I just got thrown out of my local park for arranging the squirrels by height... They didn't like my critter sizing
- What do you call a dinosaur that knows a lot of words? A Thesaurus
- My doctor told me I'm going deaf... the news was hard to hear
- I had to return the vacuum cleaner... it sucked
- I used to be addicted to soap... I'm clean now
- What does a spy do when they're cold? They go undercover
- What do you call someone allergic to galaxies? Galactose intolerant
- What do you call a fish wearing a bow tie? Sofishticated
- Doctor, there's an invisible person in the waiting room. Tell them I can't see them
- What's an astronaut's favourite chocolate? A Mars bar
- Why was the mushroom popular? He's a fun guy
- Why do trees have so many friends? They like to branch out
- Where does bad light end up? In prism
- I'd tell you another chemistry joke... unfortunately all the good ones argon
- I sued the airport for losing my luggage... I lost my case
- Why did the chemistry teacher go to the beach? To test the waters.
- Why are meteors so clean? They're always in a shower
- Why is a guilty panda never caught? It eats shoots and leaves
- Why are teddy bears never hungry? They're stuffed
- Why don't eggs tell jokes? They'd crack each other up
- Why don't crabs donate to charity? Because they're shellfish
- When does a joke become a dad joke? When it becomes apparent
- Mountains aren't just funny... they're hill areas
- What did the cleaner say when he jumped out of the closet? Supplies!
- Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two-tired
- I used to play the piano by ear, but now I use my hands and fingers
- I only know 25 letters of the alphabet. I don't know y
- What do you call fake spaghetti? An impasta.
- Why did the physics teacher break up with the biology teacher? There was no chemistry.
- What's a physicist's favourite snack? Fission chips
- My dog has no nose. How do they smell? Awful
- How does a mathematician plough fields? With a pro-tractor.
- I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug
- I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already.
- Why did the doctor carry a red pen? In case they needed to draw blood.
These dad jokes not enough for you? Then check our list of mind-blowing fun facts that will have you smiling from ear to ear.
Read more:
